A Choice

It’s not every day your entire life blows up before your eyes and it’s on display for the world to see.  I’m not going to go into the details of the chaos & the circumstances involved at the time, but you can imagine, at least somewhat. The entire world is coming down on you and most around you do their best to make you feel constant shame, bringing you down, down, down. To say it sucks, especially when your brain is in a very dark place, is a complete understatement. Not asking you to feel sorry for me, just telling you how it was.

So with the help of professionals and loved ones, you spend the next months regrouping and figuring out what the hell, how did this happen? And then after considerable time passes, you get to a point where you have to make a choice. Continue to crawl under a rock and hide OR figure out who you are, move on with your life, put the shame away, etc.?

While it took some time to get there, you have probably figured that I chose the latter. I keep saying that I have to bite my tongue a bit until I choose to do interviews. Given this, I have gathered that some feel that since I have not really addressed the “issues”, I’m acting as though nothing ever happened, without a care in the world, or a care for those (My Family) truly affected by my actions. Believe me, while I did not intend to hurt a soul, to this day, I cannot put in words how awful I feel about what I put family through. This is the hardest part. I’m so thankful to have some very amazing people in my life, who love me through thick and thin. Very fortunate!

So why not lay low at this point some may ask? Why the social media? I could just “go away.” I know that.

I choose not to because for one thing, I feel I have a valuable story to tell at some point. A story that I feel many will relate to and one that I think can perhaps change things for the better for some, if only just a bit. I really want to educate & do anything I can to reduce stigmas. I also see myself as having an opportunity to set an example. An example that one can hit rock bottom in front of the world, and bounce back, as best they can at least. I don’t want to pretend all of this is easy. It’s not, but I just happen to feel it’s important. I know it’s liberating for me. And, as has been a common theme in my Twitter posts, it is my life after all, so this is the route I choose.

As always, thank you for your love & support as it means a great deal!